“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”
A follow-up to my 2021 Reflection and Integrity Report, this is a glimpse and thoughtful review of my 2022.
As I write this, I feel that “this is not my best year but I’ve learned a lot.”
The 3 main questions for this year’s integrity report:
1. How do I continue to live by my core values with integrity?
2. What are my reflections on the challenges I’ve faced this year?
3. What standards can I set to be a better version of myself?
GRANT'S CORE VALUES
Last year, I crafted and identified the 5 core values that matter to me. As I illustrated in this photo these core values are what I live by.
What are the choices and practices I have done that reflected my core values this 2022?
Creating healthy boundaries
This has made me realise that the compassion, generosity, and kindness that I extend to others must also be reflective of how I treat myself. I am slowly learning how to craft healthy boundaries which will allow me to continue pouring from my cup without drying myself out.
I aim to learn how to capacitate and build others up instead of simply offering band-aid solutions. To help others help themselves while keeping myself able enough in the process.
Joy of learning
New doors have opened this year which allowed me to build a foundation of new skills and experience a continuous stream of new learnings. The structure still feels to be rickety and shaky. I yearn to genuinely improve but I need to have better materials to build a stable structure and more thorough training to sharpen my skills.
Living Intentionally
I am grateful to spend more time with people close to my heart this year. My grandparents, family, DM, friends and colleagues (new and old). These moments allow me to continue doing my best to express my appreciation, gratitude, and love to those who exist in my life.
Holding on
Despite the dark thoughts, I am still here. I’ve kept going. The storms and moments where I felt helpless and like I was sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss did not get the best of me. There is a faint light that still flickers inside and a tiny but mighty voice that makes me keep trying no matter what happens, to take small breaths and small steps.
HEAVE-HO! HEALTH, HEADSPACE, AND HEAVINESS
Health-wise, my body’s ailments have started emerging vividly. From head to toe, internal to external, it has been a physical and mental ordeal to reach full functionality in terms of personal life and career. It’s a lot like a machine with broken pieces preventing it from working to its full capacity. It needs constant maintenance to keep going. How do we overhaul and fix it to work at a better capacity?
My headspace felt very unstable, hazy, and inconsistent which directly affected my routines, finances, and habits. I felt like a small and dazed creature learning how to walk and navigate in the darkness.. wobbly, scared, and filled with stumbles and falls. How do we light the way for me to walk with more steady footing?
As my psychiatrist has told me, “Grant, you cannot solve all the problems of the world.” Continuing down the path of trying to solve everything for everyone would be to resign myself to live a life like that of Sisyphus, carrying never-ending heaviness in a loop. How do we break down and carry the weight together into manageable chunks?
What is the next step?
I WONDER, WHAT IF, LET’S TRY!
As I continue to learn more, it helps me build upon myself. A fledgling has to go through these initial steps of learning before it is able to establish its balance.
I rode through the 2022 roads with training wheels on finances. It gets too comfortable with training wheels but it’s time for a change of pace. I see this upcoming year as the moment to finally ride without these training wheels and to be more accountable, aware, and active in balancing and managing my financial situation.
Identifying my ailments and being proactive in starting to address my health concerns is what colors 2022. I will make 2023 the year where these health challenges are addressed with proper treatment and habits. With this big roadblock managed, it will allow me to function and adapt to my best extent/capacity.
ACTION POINTS PER CORE VALUE
HEART
Be kind to myself, too.
Build myself with a stronger foundation to be able to build others up.
GRIT
Always take the next step.
Build strength and place steady support in the aspects of physical and mental health.
PURPOSE
Continue learning, searching, and growing.
Return to reading more books this 2023.
STABILITY
Keep taking small and steady steps.
Be consistent with healthy habits and routines.
FULFILLMENT
Continuously practice authenticity.
Keep searching for clarity.
And most of all, be gentle with yourself. You are doing your best.